Rabu, 08 Juli 2015

My Pride & Prejudice - somewhere between Caitlyn Jenner & LGBT

Hi! Trying to write in English version, I hope I can share it with other people not using Bahasa Indonesia as well.


Yeah, sitting here in front of my PC with my stomach & my back aching due to my period. But hey, Thank God for that, I am a woman, and I thank God for being myself (err...not pride I guess, what should I pride for? It's not my achievement though for being a woman)


You could point on me, 'oh well, you probably have never felt that you are trapped in the wrong body, Dev? Nope, I had ;) A little bit shocked for my dear friends I guess :D 


I grown up as a tough and independent girl. But, some 'annoying' facts as a girl had disrupted me. What are they? As the period comes, I felt painful menstruation. Not just other ordinary girl friends of mine. I have to bed rest, holding tight my stomach, rubbing my back, got diarrhea, lost so many blood, dizzy, and the worst thing vomiting all day long if I did not take pain killer pills. Watching other girls play around, laughing, and enjoying class, I merely slept in the school clinic. I felt that the world is not fair enough to the women. Why should we act politely? Why should we worry about sexual assault or sexual harassment as we are weaker than man? Why should we lower down our voices? Why should we not show our power and be strong women? Yeah, Oriental Culture made that worse for me. 


I felt that I am trapped in the wrong body. I had a dream that I gave birth and my Mom carried my baby and showed to me, 'here, your baby.' And you know, I was panic in my dream, 'no! it is not my baby! I don't want to get pregnant. I don't want to be a mother!!' Phew, it was just a dream. My Mom always told me, 'you are a woman, and you can not change that. So, you blame God that missed created you as a woman??? You are a woman, it is loud and clear' Yeah Mom, i am a woman. But why is it so painful to me? And she said, 'be patient, I was there too. Soon after you marry, it's gone.'


Actually, my sister was worried about me. Seven years ago, I have lost my weight 7 kgs in merely one week. And I was missed diagnosed, ovary cancer. O Lord, why should woman again? And why should I? I do not like being a woman or I have not said to You that I am prefer being a woman before I was born? And dr Sigit from Pantai Indah Kapuk Hospital said that I am normal. The 'abnormal' menstrual pain I have got may be some imbalance hormonal, and he said, 'you should marry, it would be gone. Do not worry too much.'


So, I have married, and I can not hardly wait to experience the menstrual pain is gone forever, yeay! :D Know what? Just like Insidious (film) Shit! It does not go away, it's so close to me now lol. So I decided to visit an obgyn, err....not an obgyn i guess, many obgyns :D And so many diagnoses I have got, such as didelphys uterus, tilt uterus, and last diagnose normal uterus :D And what made my period is so insane like this? X_X


Being a (true) woman sometimes gives us more tension, doesn't it? In Oriental culture (not again :D ) it is like having a baby is an achievement. Ah, some people also see that children is a gift, so if we do not have any children, we might be called not blessed woman? :D And poorly some people judge us as irresponsible woman, lazy woman, bla bla bla. Oh Heaven, why could not I put some highly adhesive duct tape to their mouth??? ^^V


What? XD *see....this period made me looks like lioness than a bunny lol*


Ya, there are so much things in this world made men and women so different, and it's not a crime to be different. But it's a crime to make the differences disappear. Have you feel trapped in the wrong body? Have you feel sorrow why should have you?? Why don't you ask God? Is God ever missed created you? He has a beautiful plan for us and still we can not understand it. It is our duty to share the good things (Gospel) not sharing confused things (are you a woman? but yesterday you are a man?) and I told once again, the fact about we are women or men it's not about the pride, it is not our achievement, it is merely our gift, and we should Thank God for it.


^^ cheers & have a blessed night to share.




take a bow



DPS


PS : I enclosed my picture when i was in  elementary school :D it's almost like a boy

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